


Brighter x Then x Christmas x Lights

by thisxwriter



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Fluff, Gon has ptsd, M/M, Rough Kissing, boys are all 17, ptsd Gon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 02:46:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13848450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisxwriter/pseuds/thisxwriter
Summary: Leorio wants the four to celebrate Christmas together. Gon hasn't been himself. the four decide to go through a drive through of Christmas lights after Killua and Gon haven't been near each other in months. tensions are high. Gon is aware of his feelings for Killua. Kurapika gets overly excited when he sees a goose. its planned to get the two alone.





	Brighter x Then x Christmas x Lights

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this just after Christmas when i went through a light show i could only think of the boys :) came up with this.

Red, silver blue and green lights continuously reflect against Killua’s half lidded eyes. It was enough for Gon to flush turning to face out of the window poking nervously at the rubber at the bottom of the cold closed glass. It isn’t like Gon to be so quiet Killua thought as he continued glancing at every light structure wondering what would happen if he caused a black out…but then Gon would be upset and their first time together in how many months would be ruined.  
“Leorio watch out for that- “Kurapika warns but it’s too late the car dips slightly causing Gon’s head to bounce off the window. he hisses rubbing at his forehead vigorously glaring at the two in the front of the car.  
Killua’s lips break into a smirk. He was glad that at least Gon’s silly pout hadn’t changed; everything else however had. Killua knew this the moment he entered the hotel room with Kurapika.  
“we should all spend Christmas vacation together!” Leorio proclaimed the one night he called them all. Killua didn’t want this of course, going back to Yorknew was the last thing he wanted but Alluka missed Zushi and it made her sad which in turn made him sad reminding him of how much he missed Gon. His heart pounded so loud that all of Kurapika’s words were muffled out by the sounds of blood rushing in his ears.  
When Killua entered the room the first thing he saw was Gon Standing by the open balcony doors dark spiky hair blowing at the soft wind. his smile had been painted on, fake and of course Killua noticed this because he knew Gon and that wasn’t Gon’s real smile. This Gon even held a drink. 17 are they now? Gon is trying to erase something or calm nerves that he never noticed acted up before. When Gon felt eyes on him. since he’s grown hyper aware and always nervous; every since…  
Gon looked over and there he stood like lightening bringing a flash of light against a dark stormy sky. Killua stood out of everything else and at that moment Gon isn’t afraid anymore his smile is so wide, wider than he’s ever felt it in a while it brings tears to the corners of his eyes. That was two days ago and still things felt so heavy between the two. It was because Killua notices Gon’s shaky hands and how he became so easily startled. they don’t talk about it. Killua knew what that felt like. the shakes, the black outs of thoughts that cause you to easily jump out of your skin when someone calls you for the third time. If it wasn’t for Gon all those years ago he would have still felt that way of course those feelings, that fear never goes away it just becomes easier to hide away like pockets for shaky hands.  
“you’ll have to excuse Leorio’s driving Pika his eye sights going due to his old age.” Killua smirks. For the first time all night Killua smiles at Gon again. his cheeks flush and he block out Leorio’s curses they stair for seconds longer than normal. amber searches for answers and blue questions. Gon doesn’t smile back Killua hides the fact that it breaks his heart in two even more so when Gon frowns into his lap.  
It was a mutual break wasn’t it? Gon said that he’ll go on with his never-ending mission and Killua said he needed to go on the run to protect his sister. They both agreed to it had they not? Then why does Gon feel the need to shout, to scream and cry and beg Killua for the answers to questions he thought he knew back before the nightmares began to wake him up. back before the nightmares began to pull him away even when he was awake like spell words would shut him off. he’d shake and now the shaking never stops.  
But I think it had when I handed Killua a drink that night…I need him.  
Gon believes that because most of the nightmares were of Killua and the horrible things he said, and his name alone is the only word that kept him grounded kept him awake with a smile… Killua kept the nightmares away with moonlight hair and ocean blue eyes.  
Killua huffs glaring back out at the lights put together to make shapes in the winter night. Candy canes, snowman, Santa clause another damn snow man. He nor Gon notice Kurapika’s eyes watching them through the rear-view mirror. Secretly he nudges Leorio’s leg the taller male shifts his glasses up his nose as he also peeks to the back of the car. He frowns shrugging his shoulders at Kurapika then the kurta lightens up with a plan.  
“hot chocolate.” Was all he had to say for Killua to press up against his window and Gon leaping over to Killua’s side as well pressing his weight into Killua.  
“ahh Gon!” Killua exclaims flushing over his shoulder to the bright eyeed boy.  
“where I want some!” was all Gon had to say for if his eyes meet Killua he wouldn’t be able to control himself not only would he shout at him. he’d grab him by his turtle neck and smash his lips onto his and he wouldn’t stop even if Killua hates it. even if Killua hits him.  
Killua glances down at Gon’s plump lips his mouth watering instantly all he could do was place his hands on Gon shoulders doing his best to ignore Gon flinching. he pushes him back just a little but only just since the warmth of their bodies pressed together felt familiar in a way that neither could explain.  
“K…Killua.” Gon mutters low enough for only Killua to hear. Killua gulps releasing and tightening his grip on Gon’s shoulders. Then the driver side window lowers cold wind smacking against their faces wakening whatever spell they had cast upon each other. Gon pulls away, but he doesn’t go far, and he doesn’t look away the way Killua does when Leorio asks for four hot chocolates.  
“sure, thing if you could just pull up to the side well bring it right to you.” Leorio did as he was instructed with a smile. Kurapika gasp smacking his hands down to his sides Gon and Killua continue to glare down at their respected laps before Leorio could even put the car into park Kurapika kicks open the door.  
“Pika where are you going?!” Leorio shouts when he realizes that Kurapika doesn’t hear a word he says he jumps out of the car to follow him.  
“stay here.” He says to the boys. Killua leans over lowering his crossed arms to get a better view of the taller male chasing the blond towards a huge light structure of a goose.  
“what the hell?” Gon mutters also looking out to them. Killua shrugs his shoulder leaning back into the seat. Gon figits nervously and Killua can’t take another second of silence.  
“what did you want to say?”  
“huh?” Gon jolts. Killua rolls his eyes.  
“just a second ago. You called my name what did you want to say.” Gon bites down on his tongue. Such a question nearly spilt every single word he wanted to say but he knew that there would be no turning back if he did and plus he never even thought about what would happen after he spilt everything out to float around the two like the ever-growing heavy air. Killua raises his eyebrows as he takes in the view of a very uncomfortable Gon.  
“well…spit it out.”  
“spit…it out?” Killua shuts his eyes and opens his mouth readying for a smart response when Gon hops away from Killua.  
“spit it out!” Gon says loudly just a little shy of a yell but its enough for Killua to blink open his eyes taken aback.  
“you left me! You left me, and I broke apart and I know how selfish I was! I know I’m selfish! but you left when I needed you! I needed YOU Killua! Not Gin not Leorio and Kurapika! I needed you and you were gone!”  
“you wanted me gone!”  
“because I love you!” Gons eyes open wide from the realization as does Killua he blinks back at Gon confused trying to get back the air that escaped his lips, it become so much harder to breath suddenly.  
“you…” Gon shuts his teary eyes facing away from Killua.  
“before you ask yes…it’s a different kind of love.”  
“different? “Killua stutters.  
“stop repeating what I say Killua!” this time Gon glares at him his amber eyes appearing green due to the Christmas lights.  
“but how do you even know that!” Killua can’t help but snap back. Gon frowns…it wasn’t exactly the response he expected but then again, he didn’t expect anything anymore.  
“when I think of you…the scary things go away…its only because of you that I can…breath sometimes.” Without realizing Killua blinked away unfallen tears passing it off in the dark as an itch to his face.  
“I thought that with you gone I wouldn’t feel this way.” Gon hiccupped rubbing furiously at his eyes. Killua nearly reached for him.  
“but it just got worse and everything just got so much harder and I... I”  
“Gon.” Killua began lifting his hand to the air and space between them again except this time they weren’t days apart hour’s time zones they were right there just a seat between them. Gon lifts his head this time Killua can’t help the tears that fall especially not that it was the exact reflection of Gon his eyes sad and broken watering with fast fallen tears.  
“I’m sorry Killua…I’m sorry that I messed things up…I’m sorry that I AM messing it- “  
“no Gon don’t.” but Killua could not finish not when he could hear his own voice and heart breaking. he reaches for Gon and the moment his hand falls upon his shoulder Gon breaks into sobs throwing his arms around Killua neck breathing in the scent that had haunted him for months.  
“shh” Killua holds the sobbing boy tightly against his chest.  
“its ok, I’m here now nothings going to hurt you anymore…I’m not leaving you ever again.” Killua murmurs the last bit to himself breathing in the scent of Gons dark hair. Oh, how he missed it. Its not until Gons body stopped shaking that Killua lowered his face lower pushing awkwardly against Gon until his lips press against the softness of Gons neck causing Gons breathing to hitch slightly freezing him still. Killua shut his eyes mustering up the courage he can to speak against Gons warm honey skin.  
“Gon.” It was just his name, but it was a start and although Gon could not so much as response his silence was enough for him to continue.  
“I’ve…missed you so much.” Killua’s lips grazed upon Gons neck at every syllable. Gon can’t help but moan his hand getting lost in Killua’s silver hair. Killua brings his mouth up to Gons ear at this Gon tightens his grip.  
“Gon…I love you too.” Gon jumps as far back as he can which isn’t far because Killua doesn’t let him this time. With watering eyes Gon is ready to ask ready to doubt for he doesn’t believe. Killua stops him with his mouth its rough and upon impact their teeth bump but Killua fixes this by lifting Gons chin with his two fingers sliding his tongue into Gons awaiting mouth. Gon groans pushing against Killua’s lips for more. More! More! More! are the only words Gons brain could make up he pushes himself onto Killua’s lap holding Killua’s face with his hands. Killua squeezes Gons waist lapping up the taste of his tongue that dances along with his. Gon is a mess of emotions and Killua just wants him to breath calmly but Gon can not he will not wake from this dream he will not let the ghost of Killua leave and when he squeezes just a little too tightly Killua lets him because his sharp nails digging into the back of his pale neck doesn’t hurt as much as it was to be without him.  
“Gon.” Killua breaths for the millisecond that his lips weren’t taken over by Gon’s kiss. It was too much too much that Gon had began to shake again he began pulling and clawing at Killua’s shirt for more skin.  
“Gon.” This time Killua says firmly grabbing at Gons face so that their eyes could meet. I his eyes Gon could read every thought that Killua has every ounce of love and emotion.  
“its ok…you’re ok now…ive got you I’m never going to let you go so please.” Killua sniffs when he sees the tears in Gons eyes.  
“please let me stay…let me in.” Gon lets out a breathy laugh feeling as though a ton had been lifted from his chest he presses his forehead against Killua’s smiling.  
“always.” They stay that way eyes closed sharing each others breath until they hear Leorio’s and Kurapika’s voice. Killua lifts Gon off his lap but keeps him in a close embrace their fingers intertwining together. Gon of course doesn’t have a care in the world Killua however flushes deeply and tries to ignore the stares when the hot chocolate arrives their hands still do not part they drive through the lights like that and only stair at each other bringing their lips into a chaste kiss when they drive out of the lighted tunnel right under a mistletoe.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this i pretty much ended it there where it ended but i do like the idea of a little unstable Gon even if its alittle out of character.


End file.
